Five Reasons
by No Wishing on the Never Star
Summary: There are five reasons why she's greatly missed around the onesix precinct. AO Will be updated, eventually.
1. Chapter 1

_**Title:**__ Five Reasons  
__**Author:**__ No Wishing on the Never Star  
__**Summary:**__ There are five reasons why she's greatly missed around the one-six precinct. [AO  
__**Genre:**__ Romance / Drama  
__**Rating:**__ Rated T  
__**Warnings:**__ Embraces moderate femmeslash between two consenting adult females.  
__**Disclaimer:**__ I'd give almost anything in the world for these two beautiful women... No, not as sex slaves lol. Believe me, a girl can dream, can't she?  
__SHOUT-OUT to Oktoberlibra (we should chat again, sometime soon).  
__**Author's Note: **__I've been feeling a bit. . . Romantic and soft-hearted, to say the least, for awhile now and I have no explanation for it, either. I'm usually putting on the "tough-girl-don't-fuck-with-me" act, but for some odd and unusual reason, I'm not right now. This is just a way for me to vent it positively. Enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 1: Five Reasons**

**Olivia's P.o.V.**

There are five reasons why she's greatly missed around the one-six precinct.

1. Oh, those eyes, those beautiful crystal blues that always brightened my day no matter how horrible it might have been. They burned with a fiery intensity when she watched in on an interrogation, when she dealt with the pedophiles and rapists, when she was truly disgusted at the thought of the perps getting away with their heinous crimes. They sparkled when she ascended the levels of climax inevitably leading to her sweet release. I'll miss those cerulean orbs staring into mine when we kissed, when we held each other, when we talked and when we made love.

2. Her hair. I loved sifting my fingers through her long blonde strands while I watched her sleeping beside me or while I held her small frame in my arms. I loved the feel of her hair tickling my tummy when she brushed her lips across my body. I miss the smell of her shampoo and conditioner; I even bought the exact brand she used and I keep them on the bedside table, sniffing the aroma every once in a random while. I loved the way the sunlight made it glitter and sparkle.

3. Her smile. Oh God, how she could light up a room with her beautiful smile. She didn't smile quiet often enough as I would have liked; I wanted her to be happy but it's kind of hard to be a lawyer for the prosecution at the same time, considering the work we do.

4. Her smell; it still lingers in the stale air of my apartment, reminding me that she was once real, reminding me that she was once mine. The faint scent mixes with the scent of my leather jacket; the one she bought me for my thirty-fifth birthday exactly two years ago to this day. The same one that is hanging on the back of my chair.

5. Her DNA. She was forced to leave me while I was pregnant with our child. I knew it was out of her control, but we didn't know the IVF had worked at the time. There was no way she could've out-ran Velez, so to speak.

I take a loving look over at our child, who's sitting on the carpeted floor giggling at me, surrounded by recently bought stuffed animals–gifts from Captain, John, Fin, and Elliot & Kathy–and a few scattered warm blankets and soft pillows. At least once a week someone from the squad brings our little girl a toy or gift of some sort even though I tell them that she has enough. Our baby girl, and I see you in her in everything she does. She has your beautiful smile, the way her nose scrunches up when she laughs is a mimic of you. She has my brown hair in bouncy curls, but she has your cerulean blue eyes. She has my nose but has your skin tone.

I walk over to our one year old daughter and watch her outstretch her arms up to me, reaching out to me with a giggle-whimper. I pick her up out of her playpen, the one the guys had set up for me when they found out I was pregnant around two years ago so I could watch over my daughter because I couldn't afford a babysitter, and coo, "Aww, is someone ready for their nap?"

I walk across the room and sit at my desk, cradling my only child to my chest after first taking off her glasses and folding them on my some-what messy desk. She sleepily yawned and her little chubby hand instinctly reaches for the heart-shaped locket that I always wear around my neck, with your picture in one side and hers in the other. She grasps it with her short pale fingers and brings it to her sleep-reddening cheek, unconsciously nuzzling the cool metal against her baby soft skin. I smile; this is what you used to do in your sleep when I held you to me in bed at night.

I lean back in my reclining chair and rub our little girl's back, lulling her to sleep in our usually quiet bullpen. Captain walks steps out of his office and spies us instantly. He stands behind me and kisses my baby's head, whispering, "G'night Little One. Give Grandpa kisses." I smile up at him and he lightly squeezes my shoulder. He places a soft kiss to my forehead and murmurs, "Don't stay too late now, Olivia. I'll see you later. . . Daughter." My smile broadens and I look down at my daughter when he exits the entrance.

With a kiss to the top of her head, her forehead unreachable because she had burrowed her face into my chest, I whisper, "Night-night, Alene. Sweet dreams baby, Momma loves you."

Obsessed?–Eh, maybe a little. Over the love of my life?–Never, not even possible in my eyes.

* * *

**REMEMBER: Alex and Liv didn't know the IVF had worked until ****AFTER**** Alex was ****FORCED**** to leave.**

So. . . The inevitable question: How was it? Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Too cute and happy towards the end? Or too sad? Lemme know. Reviews are appreciated greatly here. Thanks. If something didn't make sense to you, feel free to ask me and I'll answer your question(s) to the best of my knowledge in a review-reply. Once again, thanks everyone.

**Author's note: **Cragen took over the "Grandpa" role for Olivia and Alex's daughter, Alene Alexandra Benson-Cabot. He also took over the role of Olivia's "Father." too. Of course, Kathy and Melinda are the aunts and Elliot, Odafin, and John are the uncles.

**Happy Holidays to everyone and anyone who celebrates.**


	2. Do You Think I'd Forget?

_Title: _Five Reasons  
_Title Chapter: _Do You Think I'd Forget?  
_Summary: _There are five reasons why she's greatly missed around the one-six precinct. AO  
_Genre: _Romance / Drama  
_Rating: _Rated T  
_Warnings: _Embraces moderate femmeslash between two consenting adult females.  
_Disclaimer: _Not mine.  
_Author__'__s Note:_Since someone asked me to continue this particular story, I guess I might as well just for shiggles. I'm currently working on The Bed and Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces, as well as a few others but I won't post them until they're finished so you won't have to wait forever to read their updates.  
_Author__'__s Note: _I changed baby Alexandra's name to Alene(first name), Alexandra(middle name), and of course, Benson-Cabot(last name) so there's no confusion. I figured everybody would get that baby Alex would go by Alexandra and older Alex would go by Alex, but everybody was a bit confused, so I changed it, but kept the name Alexandra in there as the middle name.

****

Chapter 2: Do You Think I'd Forget?

I had been woken up around six o'clock this morning by a surprising call from Hammond. All he had told me was that the Feds had news about Alex's case and he wouldn't enlighten me as to what was happening or what could happen. He told me to meet him at this hotel on Broadway at noon. Sharp.

No problem, I have today off anyway. Well, it's the weekend so that means Odafin and Munch are covering for Elliot and I.

Being unable to go back to sleep, I laid there in bed torturing myself about the mistakes I'd made in my life.

_Why hadn__'t__ I pushed her out of the way during the drive by? Why didn__'t __I force more of her blood into her shoulder instead of letting it stain the sidewalk underneath her almost-limp body and my hands? She could have been even more seriously injured than what she was. I__'__m such a f-ing coward! Why didn__'__t I. . . _

As if on cue, Alexandra started fussing and crying out for me in her room adjacent to mine. I slowly got out of bed and pulled on some boxers and a tee-shirt to go check up on my daughter. I got to the door to her room and opened it up as though I was playing a game of peek-a-boo with her. I offered a broad smile at the sight before my eyes.

Alene had a tight grip on her crib's bars and had her face gently pressed against them waiting for me to go snatch her up from her crib. I couldn't help but to chuckle; she looked like a remorseful prisoner patiently waiting for punishment because she thought she had woken me up.

"Aww. Does baby Alene want Momma?" I coo in a playful voice, walking over to my weary-eyed daughter.

Her baby face seemed to brighten up at the sound of my voice. I bent down and lifted her from her crib, resting her on my hip. "Come on, let's get some breakfast," I say, nuzzling my nose in her soft hair.

An hour later I was washing breakfast dishes and wondering what the meeting was about: Alex's case, or Alex's return.

* * *

Parking in the designated hotel parking lot, I swiftly but safely unbuckled Alene from her carseat and held her up against my hip. I popped the trunk open and grabbed her diaper bag and started walking towards the entrance to the hotel.

I'm greeted by the oldish doorman and he opens the door for my child and me, smiling at Alene sweetly as Alene giggled up at him. I smile at him politely as I thanked him for the help, and he tipped his hat toward us and closed the door as we crossed the threshold.

Suddenly a man in a black suit, looking in his mid 30's, rushed up to us with a warm smile and a firm handshake. I shifted Alene to my other hip as I took ahold of his hand politely. "You must be Ms. Olivia Benson. I've heard so much about you," he eagerly stated, his smile getting bigger and bigger with each word.

"Benson-Cabot actually. And your name?" I say this, only after he finally let go of my hand.

"My apologies ma'am. My name's Mischa Benn, but you may call me Mischa. They're waiting for you in Room…"

My mind drifts off… _They? Who could 'they' possibly be? Alex and Hammond? Someone else? Will my Alexandra be there? _My heart starts to race; my palms get sweaty; Alene gets heavier and heavier in my arms. "Alex" I breathe her name easily, my lips trembling.

The man's eyes twinkle and he has a look of mischieviousness written on his face. I raise an eyebrow, silently questioning him. He raises a hand up, his palm facing me, "I'm sorry Ms. Benson-Cabot, but I was told to not reveal these persons' purposely concealed identities. However, I was told to show you the way to your room. If you would please be as kind to follow me… " He drifts off, holding out his arm in a fancy way, guiding me to the elevators.

The whole ride up on the elevator, Alene studied the man curiously. I looked away with a smile, trying my best to stifle a laugh threatening to escape my lips. She'll be an admirable detective someday, if she chooses that occupation.

_We're here. Take a deep breath and open the door. In… out… I can do this. _I open the door to the room and step inside quickly, making sure to tuck Alene against my body so she doesn't hit anything. I shut the door after saying bye to Mischa and turn around slowly.

_Oh. My. God. She's here! Don't forget to breathe!_"Alex" My voice sounded foreign to me.

She smiles and takes a step towards me from the middle of the small room, her hands outstretched, wanting to pull me into a hug. Suddenly, her smile falters as she hears a soft giggle coming forth from Alene, and she looks at our daughter, seemingly noticing her for the first time. Alex tries to shroud her frightened feelings, but I can see the worried look in her blue eyes.

"It worked? She's ours?"

"Yeah honey. She's ours," I reply. My answer apparantly has soothed Alex's silent worries as she smiles.

"Can I… Can I hug you?" Alex asks demurely, closing her eyes when she had held her breath and expelled when she faltered in the middle of the sentence.

"Come here, Alex. You can hug me whenever you would like," I smile reassuringly at her, holding out my free arm, dropping the diaper bag to the floor and taking ahold of Alex's slender waist as she stepped into my embrace. Alene started to whimper as she tried to grab ahold of Alex's arm. Alex looked at me questioningly, after she moved her head from off of my shoulder, as if asking me what to do.

"Here, why don't you hold our baby? Her name is Alene Alexandra Benson-Cabot." Alene looked up at me as if asking _'what do you want now?'_ when she heard her name. I chuckled as I handed Alene to Alex carefully, showing Alex how to hold our child the right way.

* * *

"She's beautiful" Alex's amazing blue eyes started to tear up as she looked at our daughter asleep in her arms.

"She looks like her mommy" I say, kissing the top of Alex's head. Alex snuggled deeper into my arms and stretched out the length of the sofa, leaning back against me, sitting between my stretched legs. As she leaned back against me, I gently rested my chin on her shoulder and looked down at our daughter asleep in my wife's arms, my tears easily shedding because of how sentimental this situation is.

How surreal this feels…

Alex turned her head to face mine and softly captured my lips. As I kissed my wife back, I tasted the salt from both of our tears joining together.

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

"Love you Alene" we whisper together, looking back down at her.

Alene smiled slightly in her sleep and her fingers curled around the two fingers Alex had just offered her.

* * *

"I didn't wash your blood off of my hands until after they told me you had died."

You re-adjust your body so that you can lean back more comfortably and you turn your head to face my neck, gently breathing on my skin. "I heard your scream from my room. They…They wouldn't let me say good-bye…"

I can tell from the deep sigh you gave that you're about to cry. It's a good thing that we put Alene down for her nap in the other room already.

"Ssh, honey, c'mere." I wrap my arms around your waist and pull you closer into my body, lending you my warmth. You turn around to face me and you bury your face into my neck, tightening your hold on my waist. I feel your tears spilling onto my neck, your hot tears seering through my skin.

I gather your tired body into my arms and gently rock you back and forth, pulling you deeper into my embrace, as you cry your tears. My heart tears in two when you start to tremble from crying too hard. I sniffle back my tears, trying to stay strong for you. You soon grow weak from crying and I gather your exhausted body closer to me, cradling you like I would hold a baby. I carry you to the bedroom and lay you down on the left side of the bed, making sure you don't hit Alene. As I lay on the opposite side of our baby girl, I cover us up, dropping a kiss to each of my girls' foreheads.

_Life can't get any better than this_, I think with a content sigh, letting the waves of mental and emotional exhaustion pull me into a deep slumber.

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Review please. Sowwy it took so long -looks embarrassed- lol. Let's just say I've had a few things going on these past months. Happy 2 month baby! :D


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